Steve Schappell-My Blog

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

So how did we get here....

I thought that marriage was forever....

It's true.  I followed the conventional wisdom.  Late 20's, had a steady job, sewed some oats, and looking for settle down.  I meet my now ex on a blind date, set up by my mom and a friend of my mom who worked with my ex wife.  6 months later-engaged.  1 year later-married.  14.5 years later-divorced.

Without making this post a novel in itself, I wanted to at least give an outline of how I got here and some of the things that led to it.  Like all marriages, there are ups and downs.  Things you could have done better.  Words you regret saying.  There were some great times.  I mean, you fell in love and got married.  There was certainly something there.

Routine.  That was part of it.  We had our son in 1995, right after moving into our first home.  Had my daughter in 2000 and moved to Palmyra in 2002 (where I live now)  My jobs changed while her's stayed that same.  We did things with friends and neighbors, vacation with the kids, school activities.  Everything that you would expect and happens in most marriages.  A normal routine.  One though had some underlying cracks that start opening up until the one day then it all crumbled down.

I was one where the woman left the man for someone else.  Usually it is the other way around.  Affairs happen to most women, not that many guys, right?  As I have learned not always the case.

Then started the process.  She filed, you tell the kids, put the house up for sale.  Work on the agreement and go through the stages of grief (anger, loss, etc)  Learn that your "family" is now you and your kids.  And you begin the self-discovery and healing process that is different for everyone.

When you face it head on you eventually come of out it a stronger person.  So now, almost 2 years divorced and 3 years since it all came to light.  I'm here, writing a blog in my townhouse and moving ahead, while having an amicable situation with my ex and joint custody with the kids.

Like I said, this was just a summary and I will touch on this in future blogs.  I wanted to at least give some context as to where I am coming from.

Until later.


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