Steve Schappell-My Blog

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Didn't see that one coming...

I got asked out at work today....

No, not anyone I work with either, but a Member....and in a round about way.

Someone I have been working with emailed me her cell phone #  (She had my business card)

I emailed back and gave her mine.  She texted and then stopped by at work  Later she texted and asked if I was seeing anyone and if I wanted to get together.  I asked if she wanted to go out sometime and she said yes.

Was not expecting that.  It was interesting and made the day go faster.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Unatanium 2

Occasionally I get a glimpse of the qualities I am looking for in a woman.  I understand that there is no perfect person, relationship or that I will find someone with all the qualities and things I am looking for (remember THE LIST anyone?)

But, whether God allows me to, or by happenstance, there are times I run onto someone that would be worth waiting for.  And maybe not that person, but someone like her, if that makes any sense.  Let me give you some examples and see if that helps.

-The woman who works at the Consignment Shop who I briefly dated (but our timing was off) and who has been dating someone ironically named Steve for some time now.  (Steve's rule the just have not realized it yet)

-The woman I started dating last fall and over the holidays (see earlier posts)

-The woman at Giant where I work who manages the front line and now recently engaged

-The woman I met online, had one date with and remain occasional friends via Facebook

-The woman playing bass during one of the sessions at the Blues Jam I attended tonight

-The woman I went out on one date with recently and hope to see again, maybe next weekend or on the holiday

I am not a vain person (I certainly hope not) and recently hitting 45 makes one evaluate themselves.  Sure, age is just a number and I certainly do not act my age, but you see it helps one's ego to know that there are woman that do not mind spending time with me.

Everyone has qualities they are looking for in someone else, and these vary from person to person.  So if I meet someone who has some of the qualities I am looking for and we make a connection or friendship, or they do out on a date, well then wow...I am doing alright.

In the words of "Ralph Mouth" from the TV show Happy Days "I still got it."

If I am to believe the direction that God is moving me and from all the recent evidence I have seen in my life then somewhere out there is someone that will surpass all my expectations and "knock my socks off."

I am feeling better about waiting.  Thanks for waiting along with me......

Back from the "dead"

What a difference 10 days makes.  It has been at least that many days since my last update.  God is good and has closed some doors in my life.  He is working to re-focus my attention and I am listening to his direction.
After my last relationship ended there was mourning period, followed by jumping back into the dating scene courtesy of two online websites.  At the time, my main goal seemed to be to find someone and fast.  My best friend called me on that and it was my first awakening.  She told me that, while not an obsession, it seemed to be what I was living for.  And of course sometimes, the more you try, the less successful it is.

As you have read, I had some dates and I have made some new friends.  In some ways, I was comparing them to my previous relationship and that was not good.  In other cases, the other person did not feel a connection and moved on.

God then filled up my time in other areas.  April and May are busy months for school: lacrosse and soccer games for the kids, back to school meetings for the fall, soccer tryouts, summer trip planning and working with my kids on projects and other stuff.  At work, two of my staff has moved on.  One left for another job outside the company and the other, a lateral move to another branch.  Being down on manager means more time for me at the branch, along with my assistant manager until others are hired and start.  Then, I had my annual spring allergies, cough, runny nose cold mess—a few days feeling like death warmed over.  I added my landscaping, worked on the basement, turned 45 and did a lot of thinking.

That’s a lot going on and it’s also called life.  I just came off a weekend where I did have my kids and didn’t have to work.  I was originally to be on a getaway weekend in Baltimore, something planned months ago when dating that never materialized.  That, along with everything else had me pray harder and have more conversations with God, which is what he wants.

Sometimes be brings us to the point where we admit that we need him and we give it over to him.  We need him every day and he has been telling me I am not ready yet.  When I stand back, I can see circumstances around me changing.  For example, online dating activity has ceased.  There is no one emailing me, adding me as a favorite or wanting to meet me.  It just stopped.  Friends are asking me out to events, dinners and concerts...filling up my open time that I might otherwise sit at home and be lonely about.  Work has been productive, yet busy.  I am learning to stretch myself as a manager and leader.

My bottom line is this.  I need to wait for that person God has for me in his time, not mine.  I cannot pursue it like I did before.  I need to stay focused on where God has me, my kids, friends, work.  It will happen in time.  He is teaching me patience and I am not good with that when it comes to being along and not dating.
But don’t worry, I still have much to blog about, starting with the 2 dating sites I was on and more about online dating.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

It starts with a Profile....

Online dating, fun, fun.  My next several posts will explore the world of online dating.  I have many stories to tell and some observations from both sides (Some women have told me their side of this too).

How to start?  Well, it all starts with profile and I wanted to include mine.  I wrote it myself and to date have not read another guys profile.  I am currently on two sites and have the same profile for both and same photos too.  On both sites, you have an alias, a headline and other information (age, height, etc) and will talk about that later.

I've been told by some that my profile is really good.  Others say it's too wordy.  At the very least, I wanted it to stand out and make and impression.  What do you think?  I am interested in your thoughts.

About Me:
I am a hard working and dedicated person who likes to sample what life has to offer. I am a single dad with two children ages 15 and 11, who will always be forefront in my life. With a son in high school and a daughter soon to start middle school, I understand why my parents felt the way they did when I was a teenager—nervous, but proud.
I have an amicable relationship with their mom and have been divorced for 2 years. We share custody 50/50 and I have my kids every other week during the school year and longer weekends in the summer. They both play soccer and my son plays lacrosse as well. I am the manager for my daughter's soccer team, keeping me busy in the spring and fall.

My faith guides and defines me. I may be one of the last “nice guys” left and it’s both a blessing and a curse. I would describe myself at stable in my career and goal oriented. (I am a Branch Manager for a local Credit Union) I enjoy making people laugh…am intelligent and carry on meaningful conversations. I believe that my blue eyes will eventually find a way into your heart. I can be an intense person (in a good way) but also relaxed.

I care about other people’s feelings and enjoy time with my friends. They help keep me in check and are there for me. When I’m with someone special, I like being spontaneous, adventurous, romantic, sensual and playful. I am looking for someone who has similar qualities and desires someone who they can connect with. I feel there has to be a mutual physical attraction for there to be good chemistry between two people. I have a lot to give for the right person. I believe in standing up for what I believe and not being walked on. I don’t run from adversity, but let it help shape me. I am honest and trustworthy and would expect my match to have the same qualities. That is very important to me.

In my spare time I enjoy spending time with my kids, bike riding, hiking, hanging out with friends, listening to local bands and live music, working on projects around the house, amusement parks, painting (the interior kind, not art work), reading a good book or watching a good movie. Oh and dancing. I love to dance the night away.

If you want to know more, send me a message. I enjoy messaging for a little while, but if I’m interested, would like to talk on the phone and see if there is an agreement to meet.

What I am looking for:
I want to meet someone who shares the same values I have in faith, family and friendship. Someone who will introduce me to new things, adore (or put up with) my wacky moods and keep me in line. I am looking for a woman who is confident, intelligent, funny, beautiful, patient, responsible and loyal--someone who will support me, yet still tell me if I am wrong, and will want me to do the same for her.
A woman whom I can get lost in conversation with, but just as easily share one of those moments of comfortable silence in each others arms. I prefer someone who is thin, athletic or average and who makes an impression on me.

       First Date
Ideal first date:
Doesn’t exist….it’s the Unicorn. Surprise me. Make it a collaborative effort. Skydiving anyone? Seriously, I can plan the night out or let you take control. If there is a connection, the day (or night) will take care of itself. I am open to most anything from traditional dinner and a movie, to hiking followed by a hockey game. If it ends with not wanting to say goodbye, that’s a good thing.

Life...and a different Mother's Day

That's what the first part of this blog is called, Life.  Let's talk about that for a moment.

On Friday night, I attended a viewing for a former boss of mine at my current job.  Her 29 year old son was killed in a car accident earlier in the week.  I drove down after work with flowers and cards from my staff and expected a somber mood.

When it was my turn, I told her how sorry I was for her loss and remembered the conversations we had about raising her kids alone after her divorce and about how I was doing with mine.  She told me that time we talked in my office and now again as I stood before her how important it is to remember the time we have with our children.

In a way the viewing was a celebration, with contemporary music playing and photos everywhere of her son growing up, in school and college.  Video was playing of the photos set to music.  You got to see a life that was well lived and someone who was well liked and touched the lives of many, and even mine that night...even though I never met him when he was alive.

As I drove home I thought about my friend, the mom who has lost a son and what it will mean on this Mother's Day.  I take comfort in the fact that he was loved by a mom and dad who were there for him and you can see that she raised a great son.   I went home and told my kids that I love them.  Hugged them.

We hear the cliche "Live live to the fullest," or "Live like you were dying," and it is so true.  Our time on this earth is but a mere speck, dust in the wind.  Life given by God to love and serve him and help others while here.  Time and life are fleeting and it takes situations like this to make one appreciate life. 

So if you have a mom who is still here among us, let her know how much you love her tomorrow and every day.  If she is not here among us, may her memories bring your comfort and peace for she helped to raise you with everything she had.

Happy Mother's Day everyone.  Stay safe and enjoy each day, each moment like it may never come again.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Facebook thoughts.....

So it hit me last night as I was thinking about some of my friends on Facebook as to the number of women that I am friends with that I have also either dated, had a fling, or a relationship with. 

My context is that I have remained friends with these women over the years in person, or have re-connected with them through the magic of Facebook.  That made me feel good.

Personally, I do not like to burn bridges.  If possible, I try to remain friends.  It doesn't always work out and sometimes you lose touch with some of them.  My recent foray into dating has been teaching and confirming lessons about being myself, staying the nice guy, and your friends will grow.

Now back to my thoughts....Some of my female friends include:

-A childhood girlfriend
-Someone who helped me "understand" the female anatomy
-Jr High Prom Date
-Sr. High Prom Date
-Freshman year college girlfriend
-Sophmore year college girlfriend
-College Christmas date-Jr year
-Senior year college girlfriend
-First post divorce fling
-Post divorce few dates (1 person)
-First post divorce relationship
-Recent date turned friend

Now the fun is to figure out who is who.  :)