Thursday, May 19, 2011
Back from the "dead"
What a difference 10 days makes. It has been at least that many days since my last update. God is good and has closed some doors in my life. He is working to re-focus my attention and I am listening to his direction.
After my last relationship ended there was mourning period, followed by jumping back into the dating scene courtesy of two online websites. At the time, my main goal seemed to be to find someone and fast. My best friend called me on that and it was my first awakening. She told me that, while not an obsession, it seemed to be what I was living for. And of course sometimes, the more you try, the less successful it is.
As you have read, I had some dates and I have made some new friends. In some ways, I was comparing them to my previous relationship and that was not good. In other cases, the other person did not feel a connection and moved on.
God then filled up my time in other areas. April and May are busy months for school: lacrosse and soccer games for the kids, back to school meetings for the fall, soccer tryouts, summer trip planning and working with my kids on projects and other stuff. At work, two of my staff has moved on. One left for another job outside the company and the other, a lateral move to another branch. Being down on manager means more time for me at the branch, along with my assistant manager until others are hired and start. Then, I had my annual spring allergies, cough, runny nose cold mess—a few days feeling like death warmed over. I added my landscaping, worked on the basement, turned 45 and did a lot of thinking.
That’s a lot going on and it’s also called life. I just came off a weekend where I did have my kids and didn’t have to work. I was originally to be on a getaway weekend in Baltimore, something planned months ago when dating that never materialized. That, along with everything else had me pray harder and have more conversations with God, which is what he wants.
Sometimes be brings us to the point where we admit that we need him and we give it over to him. We need him every day and he has been telling me I am not ready yet. When I stand back, I can see circumstances around me changing. For example, online dating activity has ceased. There is no one emailing me, adding me as a favorite or wanting to meet me. It just stopped. Friends are asking me out to events, dinners and concerts...filling up my open time that I might otherwise sit at home and be lonely about. Work has been productive, yet busy. I am learning to stretch myself as a manager and leader.
My bottom line is this. I need to wait for that person God has for me in his time, not mine. I cannot pursue it like I did before. I need to stay focused on where God has me, my kids, friends, work. It will happen in time. He is teaching me patience and I am not good with that when it comes to being along and not dating.
But don’t worry, I still have much to blog about, starting with the 2 dating sites I was on and more about online dating.