Steve Schappell-My Blog

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Intimacy: More than meets the eye

Oops, I borrowed from the "Transformers" in my Title today....Saw the latest movie last week and seemed appropriate for this topic. 

For those of you who know me, I enjoy words, wordplay, definitions and writing.  Funny since I write a Blog.  For this topic, let's start with the definition of intimacy. 

in·ti·ma·cy  (–noun, plural -cies.)

1. the state of being intimate.
2. a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group.
3. a close association with or detailed knowledge or deep understanding of a place, subject, period of history, etc.: an intimacy with japan.
4. an act or expression serving as a token of familiarity, affection, or the like: to allow the intimacy of using first names.
5. an amorously familiar act; liberty.
6. sexual intercourse.
7. the quality of being comfortable, warm, or familiar: the intimacy of the room.
8. privacy, especially as suitable to the telling of a secret: in the intimacy of his studio.

There are 8 definitions for one simple word.  One word that when heard usually brings up #6 first in your mind.

A previous post said I started dating.  I'm not...4 great dates and an understanding of the differences between us that developed quickly.  She wished me well in finding "Miss Right."  I said there is no such thing.  No one person can embody everything another person is looking for.  And maybe like you, I am looking for someone who has a some similar qualities, values and things in common as myself, and moreover, I am looking for someone to become intimate with.

Let's get Definition #6 out of the way right off the bat.  Physical intimacy and/or sex is easy.  What I mean is as humans, we are programmed for sex, to procreate and for pleasure.  Unfortunately, in some relationships the physical IS the relationship and all that intimacy is associated with.  There is so much more I believe that it should be.

Again, by disclaimer, since this is my blog, these are my opinions and you may not agree.  I understand and respect that.  I hope to inform, educate, make you laugh, cry occasionally and think.

So onto the rest of the definitions:

#1: The state of being intimate.  To me I see this best in married couples in it for the long haul.  2 people working together to raise a family, or to grow old together.  Someone that finishes the others thoughts.  A symbiotic relationship where each gives and takes and makes the other person stronger.

#2:  Close, familiar and affectionate or loving relationship.  This is what God wants with each of us.  This is what a personal relationship with Jesus is all about.  On a human level, a compelling need by our actions to show another person that we love them, care about them and want to be close to them.  I do believe that love is an action, not a feeling.  (I mean you feel something, yes, but by showing it, living it, you make it real)

#3: A close association or deep understanding... I really want to know someone, their likes and dislikes.  Their family and friends, the things in their life that made them who they are.  Getting to know someone so intimately over time that you almost become one.  

#4: An act or expression serving as a token of familiarity.  To allow the intimacy of first names, etc.  Nicknames, pet names, fall into this category.  A kiss in the morning, opening her door, or a inside joke...Things that two people share together.

#5: An amorously familiar act.  Very similar to #6.  Does not necessarily mean a sexual act. 

#7: The quality of being comfortable, warm, or familiar.  Where two people can be comfortable with each other in almost any situation.  Being familiar with each others strengths, loving them at 6 am with no makeup, relaxed and making it look easy.

#8: Privacy.  Some things are meant to be shared only between two people.  I want that privacy where I can tell my best friend anything and know it will not go anywhere.

Put together in a combination over time, true intimacy forms strong bonds.  When a relationship is built on a good foundation, friendship can develop where intimacy can flourish and grow on many levels.  That's something I am looking for as I continue to move forward.

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