Steve Schappell-My Blog

Thursday, April 7, 2011

And now the circle is complete….A brief follow up to Closure

I recently wrote that everyone wants closure when a relationship ends, but we do not always get it.  Fortunately for me, I had some last weekend.

My ex-girlfriend came down for a short visit last Saturday.  She was returning items I left at her apartment and she was picking up items I had in my basement storage for her.  We had agreed a few weeks earlier to keep the day open and she arrived in early afternoon.

I admit that I had mixed feelings.  I had not seen her since January, when we met for a date after our initial “need some space” weekend.  I also admit that to me, she looked great.  Maybe it was the time apart, or that she had changed her hair, had new clothes and flashed her smile.

We initially got caught up, and then loaded up her items and I turned in her apartment keys.  We talked some more and she filled me in on her kids and all they and she was up to.  Now, we had talked and texted periodically during the last few months, and I’ll also admit that I was holding out the briefest hope that maybe, just maybe, there could be some reconciliation.

Through my blog she learned that I had gone out on 2 dates and seemed a little surprised that I was dating again.  I said, “Well, it was only 2 dates,” and she replied that if I was online and out on a date, then I was dating again.

Then to my surprise, I learned that she too has moved on and was starting to see someone else, but keeping it slow.  She admitted to having her defenses and walls up, but I saw something in her that told me this may develop into something.  Our distance when we were together was a blessing and a curse.  And now, at long last, I finally realized that the curse had won out and I was finished.  She did not want to say too much as not to hurt me anymore.

She left soon after that.  I had one last hug and then she was out of the door and out of my life for probably the last time.  Oh, I cried and called my best friend and poured it all out.  Thank goodness if you are lucky enough to have a friend, who listens, cares, understands, and keeps it all to themselves.  If you do, then you are very lucky.

I sent a text later in the day letting her know it was great to see her, admitted that there were times I missed her, and wished her well in her new relationship.

I am happy because I got that closure that not everyone receives.   I also know that if I never see her again, it will be OK because I have memories, photos and a few months of happiness.  I also realized that I am completely ready to move forward but did not understand that until after we met.

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