“Next Please….” Dating is like an job interview…

This is an interesting topic and one I have wanted to talk about for some time.  I hope to do it justice.  I wanted to juxtapose the ideas of dating and a job interview and see how similar they really are.

So class, let’s begin.

Step 1:  Begin your search

When looking for a job, most people start by reading the want ads in the paper or going online to see job postings.  Others go to employment agencies or job centers to see what is available.

When dating, some people start by reading personal ads in the paper or going online to dating sites, Facebook or Craigslist.  Others go to bars, church, or the supermarket to see what is available.

Step 2:  Submit your Resume and hope for a return call or email

If you have not already done it, you polish your Resume and prepare it to be mailed the old fashioned way or sent electronically.  You draft a cover letter and tailor it to the position you are seeking.  You then send it off and hope for a return call, email, or letter that will talk you to the next step.

When dating, you create your profile that tells someone about you.  A snapshot of who you are, personality, your kids (If you have them), your likes, hobbies, etc.  You also tailor it for different sites and often adjust an email or correspondence to the person you are seeking or are interested in.  Then you send it off and hope for a return email, call, IM, or some correspondence.

Step 3: You arrange a time and place for the Interview---and prepare

So you receive that call or message and arrange a time that is convenient for both of you to meet.  Usually at their place of employment or at a location that favors the company you are meeting with.  Once that is done, you prepare.  You learn about the company, talk to others who work there and get ready.

When dating, you receive a reply message, or get a call, or begin texting and if your conversations go well, perhaps the next step is to arrange a time and place to meet that is convenient for both of you, usually at a location that favors the other person and not yourself.  Then you prepare.  You read their profile, learn more about them, talk to their friends and get ready. 

{Editors Note:  I will cover this later, but I believe there are 4 dimensional levels we use during the dating process that I will elaborate on another time.  These are Visual (Their picture), Written (Their profile or emails), Verbal (on the phone), and Personal (meeting in person)  All are essential in the process and help to weed out and find things are rule someone out as a potential relationship.}

Step 4: The Interview

Finally, the big day arrives.  You dress for success.  You arrive early.  You put your best foot forward.  You want to say and do all the right things to be noticed.  You choose your words carefully, try to remain relaxed and confident, and ultimately the one they choose.

When dating, is it really any different?  You want to make a good first impression.  You want to do the right things in the hopes of a second interview and ultimately be the one they choose.  All the while understanding that maybe they are interviewing you as well and hope that you ultimately choose you.

There are exceptions to this of course.  Some are interviewing to just get experience.  Kissing frogs to find a prince.  Others want to have a few interviews, have fun and keep searching.  Eventually, the right two people interview together and then….

Step 5: You receive and offer…and accept

Good news, they want you to start.  You negotiate a salary, decide on terms, get a starting date and then enter a probationary period and if you “pass” become a permanent resident until things change, either by you or by the company.

When dating, the purpose of a first date is to get a second (in most cases).  And after the second date, a third, etc until you receive an offer….and accept.  Either side can make the offer, and when accepted, you negotiate terms, boundaries, get a starting date and enter a probationary period that if you pass, you become a permanent resident until things change by either your or by them.

I recently had an “Interview” last Friday.  It began following the steps I listed above.  First was my search online using a free site that I will talk about another time.  I found her, saw the photos, read the profile and sent a message.  We corresponded back and forth, I extended my number to talk more or text.  She texted and then found me on Facebook.   I accepted her as a friend and we agreed to meet at a location close to her that I chose.  Then I prepared by reading her profile again and messages.

I arrived early and we met and had dinner.  The conversation went well and flowed on a variety of topics.  There was eye contact, positive body language and non-verbal cues and it all seemed to go well.  We then went for drinks nearby, closed out the place, said goodnight and she asked to keep in contact.

That weekend, I sent some texts and left a message.  I received one text back and I was trying to set up a second date on Sunday afternoon or during a weeknight when I did not have the kids.  I learned the results of my “interview” via text on Monday morning.  It read in part “Hope you had a nice weekend.  To be honest steve while i find you to be a nice guy i am going to pursue someone else I find I am more compatible with.  Ull do well since you are a good guy.”

Ok.  Glad I found out early and I’m not upset.  She was interviewing me and others and chose someone else.  That’s how it goes, and you move on.  Funny though, I got told it again…that phrase “I find you a nice guy.”  Remind me to talk about the nice guy problem I have another time.

So that’s my view that dating is like an interview.  I hope you agree with me, and if not, I welcome your opinions.  Thanks for reading and we will talk again soon.